Embrace Healing: Recovery from Life’s Losses

I offer a unique Grief program. This is 8 weeks long and action-based. You may work alone or in a group. This program addresses grief from death as well as up to 40 different kinds of losses that we may have incurred in our lifetime.

The Grief Recovery Institute is proud to say that research conducted by Kent State University has shown that The Grief Recovery Method approach to helping grievers deal with the pain of emotional loss in any relationship is “Evidence-Based” and effective. It is an action-based program. They are also proud to say that their program is the only Grief Support Program to have received this distinction of being evidence-based!

Typical Responses to Grief

Grief is the normal and natural reaction to significant emotional loss of any kind. Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change in, a relationship.

You might experience reduced concentration, a sense of numbness, disrupted sleeping patterns, changed eating habits, a roller coaster of emotional energy, and anger…to name a few.

There are over 43 kinds of losses that are considered Grief. Some examples include: death, divorce retirement, moving, pet loss, financial change (increase or decrease in wealth), loss of health, legal problems, empty nest, end of addiction, estrangement, dysfunctional parent, a relationship that you wish could have been food better or more.

There are also intangible examples of Grief: loss of trust, loss of safety, loss of control. loss of faith, loss of Fertility.

There are no stages in grief and every person grieves differently. Our society is Grief Illiterate. We are taught to push our feelings down. What happens when you have pushed down unresolved communications, especially since the average person goes through up to 40 losses. That is a heavy emotional backpack for you to carry around. Unresolved Grief is cumulative and cumulatively negative.

Unresolved Grief is everywhere. Thousands of mental health professionals we work with have found that although their clients come to them with some other presenting issue, almost all of them have unresolved Grief as the underlying problem. An incomplete past may doom the future. We find that many people alter their life choices after a series of unresolved losses. This is done to protect themselves from further heartbreak. Usually this just translates to living a guarded life and a reluctance to participate fully in relationships or new endeavors.

Grief is not clinical depression. A recent study of 8800 clients established that a large percentage of people diagnosed as depressed and placed on antidepressant drugs are not clinically depressed. They are just experiencing unresolved Grief due to prior losses in their lives.

Most Common Mistaken Beliefs about Grief

Time heals. Time does not heal. Grieve alone. Often this advice is subtly implied, “Give your mom her space” or “He just needs a few minutes alone in the other room.” As children, we learn that this means that sad feelings should be hidden or experienced alone.

Be strong. Usually, the Griever is asked to be strong for others. “You have to be strong for your [wife]” or “Be strong for your children“, “Don’t feel bad, his suffering is over.”

Replace the loss. This is common with pet loss or the end of a romantic relationship. “On Tuesday we’ll get you a new dog” or “There are plenty of fish in the sea. You just have to get out there and date again.” Most likely there has been no action taken to grieve over the loss of the pet or relationship, just an attempt at not feeling the emotions attached to the loss.

Keep busy. “If I just keep busy then I won’t have time to think about the loss.” This one is sad because some people spend their whole lives with this mentality and never get a chance to grieve and complete what was unfinished.

Unhelpful comments made to grievers

You’ll be fine in time.

I know how you feel.

You shouldn’t be feeling that way still.

Look on the bright side, at least they’re in a better place.

Don’t feel bad, his suffering is over now.

Don’t be angry with God.

You’re young; you can still have other children.

It was just a dog, cat, bird...

Recovery from loss is achieved by a series of small and correct choices made by the griever. Sadly, most of us have not been given the necessary information with which to make correct choices in response to a loss.

Recovery means feeling better. Recovery is finding new meaning for living, without the fear of being hurt again. Recovery is being able to enjoy fond memories without having them turn painful. Recovery is acknowledging that it is perfectly all right to feel sad from time to time and to talk about those feelings no matter how those around you react. Most importantly, recovery means acquiring the skills we should have been taught as a child. These skills allow us to deal with loss directly.

Recovering from a significant emotional loss is not an easy task. Taking the actions that lead to recovery will require your attention, open-mindedness, willingness, and courage.