Loss, Grief, and Holidays – Are not a great fit.

The most wonderful time of the year…..

The loss of a significant person in your life is a deeply painful experience, and in many cases can be life changing. It’s not just the first year of some losses. Many losses are life changing and may leave you with not even knowing how to navigate the everyday. Then, you throw in the Magical Nostalgic time of Hanukkah, or Christmas. These holidays are usually based on tradition and family. Beautiful holiday music, celebrations, twinkling lights… How do we navigate through this????????

Here are some ways to help you cope with grief during the holidays:

*Remember to acknowledge that things will not be the same.*

You Are in Control of Your Life

• You may want or need to change some of your traditions.
• Set realistic expectations.
• You get to choose how you celebrate or not. I am a firm believer in the “get out of holidays free pass.”
• Set boundaries. It is ok to decline invitations or limit social interactions if you feel overwhelmed.
• Avoid overcommitting, be selective of the events that you attend.

Support!

• Work with counselor, grief expert, and/or support group.
• Start a grief journal to process your feelings and emotions.
• Read grief literature: find books or articles that resonate with your experience.
• Seek grief therapy for your family, if needed. Everyone grieves differently to learn how to cope together.

Self-Care!

• Grief is exhausting. Get plenty of rest, quite time, and a good night’s sleep.
• Try to eat healthy. For me the only thing I could eat was sweets and real comfort food.
• Release emotions through physical activity: exercise can help with built up tension.
• Seek solace in nature: spend time outdoors to find comfort and peace.
• Create an art project: express your emotions through painting, drawing or any other creative outlet.
• Express your emotions. Do not be afraid to cry or vent your feelings. Talk about your loved one. Practice self-compassion.
• Express your needs. Let your loved ones know how to support you.
• Dedicate a day to yourself. Do whatever makes you happy with no guilt.
• You may be living a dual existence. Smiling bravely in public while crying with a broken heart in private. It is ok to allow yourself to laugh and enjoy moments. It is ok to experience moments of happiness. Joy does not mean that we are moving on or forgetting our loved one.

New Traditions Honoring Your Loved One’s Memory

• Light a candle.
• Create a Holiday altar: including a candle, loved one’s picture, and anything that honors your loved one’s memory.
• Create a remembrance tree with your loved one’s favorite things. Make an ornament out of a picture or article of clothing.
• Volunteer: Give back to the community in your child’s name. Helping someone heals you.
• Donate to a charity: give to a cause that your loved one cared about.
• Do an act of kindness: perform a good deed in your loved ones memory.
• Cook or order your loved one’s favorite food.
• Release lanterns or light luminaries.
• Focus on the legacy! Find ways to honor your loved one’s legacy and the positive impact they had on others.
• Keep their memory alive!

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to coping with grief during the holidays.

** Remember that everyone’s grief journey is unique. There is no right or wrong way to grieve or celebrate holidays. It is essential to do what feels most healing and meaningful to you. **